Land of Milk and Honey

To the Promised Land I embarked...the land of milk and honey, where there is limited milk and honey and lots of hummus and schwarma. I headed to Israel on an all inclusive 10 day Birthright trip with all of the wrong expectations. Funded by right wing conservative zionest jews I was expecting to be completely politically brainwashed, or even forced to procriate with Israel Defense soldiers making lots more little jewish babies. However, I was happily surprised. 10 days going all around Israel with 40 East Bay Jews on a bus was much more informative, fun, and eye opening than I had thought. Thanks to our tour guide, Hagai, who kept things really neutral and real for us. It has only been a week since the trip ended but I already can not remember all that we did. We did so much in each day that it is all big blur. Here are some highlights though: I will forever in my heart, blood, and soul remember the glorious taste of Israeli hummus. Shit aight Sambra over there. They serve you an entire bowl of fresh hummus with hella oil on top -kinda like sitting down and single handedly raging on an entire container of Trader Joes Meditarean Hummus. You can even order it with beans on top and a hard boiled egg. Genious. As you eat it, you know that the clogged up constipation food comma feeling you will experience after it, is all worth it. I also went to the lowest elevation point in the entire world-The Dead Sea. After being properly warned by friends who had been there in the past I was very prepared to float in a sea with an insane amount of salt content in it. I purpusefully did not shave the day before, and was able to stay floating in the water for a good amount of time. It took some time for me to untrain myself to doggy paddle and just float, but once I got the hang of it I became such a good syncronized swimmer. After some one on my trip splashed my face by accident and got salt on my lips and up my nose, I freaked out and had to get out. On shore I lathered myself in mud from the dead sea. Wow, if only my skin could always feel that soft and smooth. Too bad that didnt last. Already got pimples appearing and heat rashes again. Definetly didn't get the good skin gene-dont leave home without hydrocortisone and at least 3 chap sticks. I was on an "Israel Outdoors Trip", which apparently meant that I got to be outdoors more than other trips. Not sure where the more "outdoors" part came in for us or what the hell other "indoor" like trips must do differently. I wouldnt say that we were always hiking or super outdoors more than another trip, but we did end up doing some cool things that happened to be outside. For example, we strolled up to the top of Masada, a fortress built by the Romans hella years ago. Oh, and the beginning part of the trip we were in the Negev desert, by a beautiful canyon. Looked like the grand canyon. There, I got in a couple of great jogs and walks on our own exploring the cliffs and red rock of the area. We also got to do the typical and kinda anti-climatic camel ride at the Bedoin tent. Camels are awesome animals, expect pretty fucking slow. Fun to sit on, you get a good inner thigh stretch and thats about it. We spent at night at the Bodoin Tent, trying to simulate what it would be like to be nomads wandering in the desert. However, it really was just a giant tent with gross mattresses and probably bed bug invested sleeping bags. A slumber party with 40 people. Do the math and at least 20% will be snorers at night. With all the sharing of hotel rooms, food, shitty Israeli Gold Star beer, and little sleep it is no wonder that I have had a sore throat and sniffles for a good 1.5 weeks. This old Bodoin man came to speak to us about his people's way of life. It was pretty impossible to understand anything he was telling us as his english was bad and we were all pretty tired. The only thing I got from it was when he told a really long fairy tale like story. We were all waiting for some great spiritual ending or something, but instead the moral was about women being monsters during the day and whores at night. um...not the story you tell progressive feminist east bay jews Holy Abraham Moses, it snowed in Jerusalem!!!! It has not snowed that much in 20 years and we were lucky enough to be there with the ancient city covered in a blanket of white. So magical. Good thing my mom forced me to take gloves before I left (moms always are right). Besides the fact that my Nike Frees were not the best for walking around in melting puddles of snow all day and I almost got frost bite on my big toe, the snow was amazing. We had a giant snow ball fight in the parking lot of the hotel at 10pm!!!! The unplanned spontaneous parts of trips are always the best. The next day we walked through the into the old city of Jeruselem, cold and wet feet we got to the Western Wall. As we approached the wall to make prayer and wishes the clouds parted and a ray of sunshine came down and hit us. Holy moment. Felt hella connected. Still not a reason for me to move to Israel and find myself in this promised land, but it was really nice. On a little bit of a downer side, we went to the Yad Veshem Holocaust Museum. I was really looking forward to going as I have heard that it is the best Holocaust Museum there is. Despite the obnoxious amount of tour groups blocking door ways, the museum was really well done. I definetly shed some tears. Especially in the Childrens Memorial, where you walk through a dark room full of thousand of mirrors reflecting lights everywhere. Another touching and connecting moment with Hashem. Really amazing that after 6 million jews were wiped out, there are now 13 million jews all over the world. Being part of the Jewish community is so great, it really does feel like a family. However, not all of the Jewish people are the same. We learned a lot about the different sects of Judiasm in Israel, and I definetly dont agree with all of them. The super orthodox Jews hold an interesting ancient traditional belief and are interesting to look at with there black top hats, but I do not like how they participate in society. Many do not work, do not go to the army, and just have lots of children. They are a growing population and have more sway in the government than their numbers actually represent. They hold very conservative views about women, their kids mostly study torah in school and do not gain the skills to be active participants in the work force. Even if you are a secular jew in Israel you have to be married or divorced within the orthodox religious beliefs. I found it very interesting to learn about the differences in how people interact within the Jewish people. On shabbat we got to go to a couple of different synogoges and clapped our hands, sang some lai lai lai's and brought in the sabbath. Really fascinating to see almost an entire country shut down on shabbat and eat a good meal together as a family. Nice way to take a pause from the crazy week. I should really be more intentional with creating some sort of seperation like that once a week. And then there is the whole political conflict with the Arabs/Palestinians and Jews. The history is rich and complicated. The land has been fought over for thousands and thousands of years. From the Babyalonians, Romans, Ottoman Empire, British, and now the Jewish homeland. Changing borders constantly, so much death and tension. Muslims, Christians, Jews all sharing the same love and holy connection to Jerusalem. They are all living so close to each other, with such high political barriers seperating them. But at the end of the day they are all human, with children to feed and keep safe. Anyways, the trip was amazing. The group of people who were on it were great, the guide was amazing. Hilai, our security person was absolutely ridiculous and super aggressive (played lots of birdie on a perch with her). We got to party one night out of the town and danced hard in a bar. We got to learn so much about the land that is now called Israel. I could not have asked for a better Birthright trip. and free too!!! I feel so lucky and grateful. It was a great way to start my travel adventures with Zach. Off to Southeast Asia we go... Till next time in Jerusalem...